Little Road Trip going empty coming home full.

Tomorrow Jillian and I head to Saskatchewan. Glenavon is our final destination on Sunday afternoon. We will arrive in Regina after a 7 hour drive tomorrow late afternoon and stay with our friends the Smiths. After breakfast on Sunday morning we will continue on our journey with the short little jaunt to Glenavon which is about 90 minutes south east of Regina.

My mother phoned earlier this evening to say she had baked 3 cakes today and knowing that my favorite cookies are peanut butter she will also have some of them baked too. My mother will be turning 84 in October. I'm not sure how much she thinks Jillian and I can eat before we leave on Wednesday. One of my fondest memories today cause growing up it was a nightmare.... is when we were done eating anything left on the table she would try and get us to finish "I don't want any leftovers" she would say as she tried to scrap them on your plate. "Just finish these" she would say after you would comment about being full. I think I have inherited her overabundance of food preparation, although I don't shovel it on peoples plates and make them feel guilty cause they are only eating until they're full rather than absolutely stuffed. If the whole family was going we could travel with the assurance that once we arrived at Grandmas that she would have prepared our favorite foods!

We will travel back on Wed and bring mom and dad with us. My dad is cleaning out all of his tools so we are going with the back seats out of the van to haul home the table saw, drill press, anvil and any other power tools there may be left in his garage. It will be interesting how much comes back with us.

My mom will fly from Calgary to Toronto on Sat for week to spend time with her sister that has recently been widowed. My mom is happy to leave my dad here in our care knowing that we will look after him and it will be a really good break for my mom. It will be fun to have my dad here. He doesn't move very fast nor does he move very far and my mother waits on him hand and foot. I sometimes forget that he likes to eat at 8:00 am his one piece of toast with peanut butter and honey, lunch is at 12:00 and supper is at 6:00. He likes to have a cup of coffee and a cookie at 10:00 and a glass of water at 3:00 along with another cookie. Happy hour is at 5:00 when he drinks his one drink a day of white rum and water in a small glass with 2 ice cubes. We will have food that isn't too spicy so it doesn't upset my dad. Someone will have to fetch my dad a paper everyday and we'll have to go to Costco so that my dad can test the samples.

Yep it will be good to have my dad here. Yep it will be good for my mom to get away with her sister.

I'm very excited for the next few weeks..... hurray spending time with my parents.

...... did I happen to mention that we give up our bedroom for them..... yes it will be ok to have my parents here.

What We Do vs Who We Are

This past weekend we attended the High School Rodeo Finals in Medicine Hat, Alberta. This is the third year we have made this trip to watch my cousins boys compete. It is a fun reality weekend to give my kids a taste of the sights and smells of my teenage life. It is also enjoyable for me to recognize names and wonder if their parents are people I would have known in my teenage years. Of course that was 30 years ago and people definitely do not look the same after that amount of time.

This year was particularly interesting for me in a reflective kind of way as Jillian recounted the party on Saturday night. Rick and I had both headed to bed and turned our kids loose with their Derose cousins. Jillian who is 15 talked about all these guys who asked her to the bar and she told them she was 15 and of all those who were very drunk and tried to get her to drink so they wouldn't look so bad. James recounted the amount of wasted (drunk people) and what a different life it was from ours.

The thing that stood out in my mind the most was their recounting of people who asked them if they made the short go. These grade 10-12 year olds from Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta and BC compete in three performances in order to qualify for the final go round on Sunday afternoon when only the top 8 compete for the National Champion Title. When they declared that they did not make it to the short go, people asked them what they competed in and introduced themselves with their name and event of participation. Once again my kids had to admit that they were not participants and did not even participate in rodeo ever. The comment response to that is "what the ---- are you doing here?" to with James and Jill stated that they were only cheering on their cousins and we lived just down the road.

Even though it has happened in previous years, the idea of introducing yourself and identifying with someone else because of what you do caused me to think about how we really identify and look at people. When I meet people, frequently one of the questions I ask is, "what do you do?" Why do I ask that and what kind of judgment does that automatically place on the person because of it? Am I perhaps condemning people by what they do or don't do? How many times do I justify who I am by telling people what I do?

We try and teach our kids that it's more important who they are than what they do. If that is really true than why would I feel the need to ask people what they do? How can I get from wandering about what people do instead of who they are? I think I will try to be slower to ask in the future and see if I can find other things to talk about to see who the person really is. Maybe they are not happy with what they do and it really isn't a reflection about who they really are..

Saying Goodbye

This morning we said goodbye to Eri and Marina, our Japanese Homestay Girls.

We began the time with one girl named Eri and one week into the program we acquired another one named Marina. Marina moved in with us as the couple she was staying with were very busy and had no children. Eri slept in one room and Marina in the other. Having two girls certainly changed the dynamics.

Last night we asked what was their favorite part of being in Canada. Eri said that it was being with the host family, she lives with only a mother. Marina said that it was taking classes at the University and then spending time with host family.

One of the favorite activities these girls did with us was playing Uno. This was usually initiated by James and the girls loved it. Even when they had other friends over they wanted to play Uno. The other favorite activity was camping that we did with two other host families.

We tried to introduce them to a variety of foods. They were both so willing to try anything we put infront of them. Their favorite was bar-b-qued chicken and roast beef. Marina's parents have a restaurant in Japan so she took a picture of her plate at every meal.

The other new experience they had was going camping. We took them to a campground with mini golf and a pool. They slept on the bed over the cab in the motorhome. They loved camping and the fires at night. Laying in the sun and sleeping on loungers was another enjoyable experience. One night they laid on the loungers and gazed at the stars, they were amazed there was so many and they were so beautiful! The laid back Canadian way of life and the relaxing time of just hanging out was so enjoyable for them. They were so brave and excited to experience new things. The idea of waking up to the smell of bacon cooking only a few feet away was so appealing to them. Part of the fun about camping is the continual eating, how good food tastes and goes with the outdoors!

After the graduation ceremony last night at the University, Eri presented Jillian with her yukata and obi. She had brought her the socks called tabi when she arrived. She dressed Jillian up and then Jillian presented the girls with photo albums from our family. It was fun and emotional at the same time. We had all written a personal note to each one of them and had pictures of James and Jillian in the album.

Last night we had a fire in the back yard and they both fell asleep watching the stars in front of the fire. They were both reluctant to get up, shower and head to bed. It was a wonderful end to 16 days they spent as part of our family.

I believe emotion is not part of their makeup! So to have such strong feelings for people who laugh, hug and openly show affection was a real surprise for these girls. It was such a wonderful experience for them and for us. This morning as we stood and said goodbye to two girls who have a part of our hearts and lives for the past 16 days, knowing we may never see them again was very hard. I think it was even harder for them as they clung to us, cried and let emotion take hold of them, knowing that what they experienced in Canada is oh so different than normal life in Japan. They both promised to come back and visit, but we will see!

We are privileged to have experienced life in the past 16 days with someone from another culture.

Eri Sanio Dempsey

One week ago tonight our Japanese Homestay Student arrived. She is 15 and is here until Aug. 4th.

The first night she arrived, we thought we would never be able to communicate with her. She had that blank look when you don't understand what people are saying. I felt very sorry for her and wondered how she would make out. I must say after one week, she is a real trooper. She is willing to try anything and everything we do. She is so adorable and brave. She certainly fits in, not wanting to go to bed until we are all ready. Up early and off to classes everyday from 9:00am to 4:30pm. Eri loves Jillian and Jillian loves Eri. We have had tons of company and she just fits right in, even when we have had 7 overnight guests she still is willing to keep up.

On Wed. Morning when I took Eri to her first morning of classes a Japanese woman came up to me and asked if I was Cindy. She looked very familiar and then identified herself as Megame. I immediately remembered her as one of the students that came 5 years ago. She was outgoing and had a smile that lite up her whole face. Back then the girls lived in the dorms at the UofL for the first week prior to going to their host family's and at that time I was one of the dorm mothers. She informed me that she had returned to Lethbridge to attend University last year with plans of completing an Ed degree and teaching in Canada.

On Sunday afternoon we attended the Lethbridge Japanese Christian Fellowship. It was a very moving service for me. There is something so sweet about hearing people worship in another language, we sang some in English and some in Japanese. The sermon was in Japanese complete with English notes.

At one point in the service an Megame shared about coming to Canada as a troubled teenager from a culture that had given up on her. The impact that church and her host family on her was life changing. She shared about coming to an understanding that God loved her very much. This understanding came because of her experience at church that showed that God was about relationship and not religion. The second place of understanding of love came from her host family that took time with her, answered her questions and were very patient with her.

The Pastor also talked about the Fruit of the Spirit that can only be found when we know God. My mind began to think about how Megame's host family must have exhibited the Fruit of the Spirit. In order for the love of Christ to be shown, love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control must have been present in that home. It was more than just love that influenced Megame. She must have felt all of the fruit. Paul says it is not with wise and persuasive words, but with the Power of the Holy Spirit that influences and changes people. It is only by the grace of God that I can have the Fruit of the Spirit show up in my life and thru His Power reveal Himself to others. Guess we never know what kind of influence we are on others but by being in a caring relationship with them they will hopefully see the God who so wants a relationship with them.

How cool is that? I attend a service in another language yet feel the love God has for me and a tailor made message for me. Every person we meet we need to share the love of Christ by being willing to listen to them, having patience with them and loving them unconditionally. Bring on my week!

Family Reunion Summer

This year is family reunion summer. Since 1951 every third year the Belsher family has met for a reunion. It is an amazing family heritage that I have and in that my children have.

My grandmother came over to Canada as an orphan from England in the early 1900's. In actual fact her father who was my great grandfather had passed away and her mother who would be my great grandmother put my grandmother and her 4 siblings in an orphanage in Liverpool. My great grandmother went to Manchester to work in the cotton factories in order to support her 5 children. When she came to visit her children she discovered the children had been sent to Canada. The story has been told that it took my great grandmother a couple of years to make enough money to gain passage on a ship to come to Canada to collect her children. Eventually she managed to make it to Canada and collected all of her children from different areas in Eastern Canada.

My grandmother met my grandfather and my grandfather headed west to homestead in southeastern Saskatchewan to a place called McCord. My grandmother came to west and homesteader with my grandfather. Together they made it thru the dirty 30's and raised 16 children. 8 sons and 8 daughters grew to adulthood and married.

My grandparents are #1 and #2 in the family and now with their descendants we are up to #365. I am number 67. There will be 204 people attend the family reunion this summer June 30-July3. There will be tons of hugs, kisses, laughter, singing, eating, talking and very little sleep.

Two weeks from tonight we as a committee will begin to gather to set up the camp we are renting. The rest of the family will arrive on Friday and the festivities will begin. I'm so excited and can hardly wait.

There are many little details to be completed prior to heading off to camp. What a privilege to be able to serve my family. Oh how I love the preparations and the anticipation of seeing all of those Aunts, Uncles and Cousins.

What does community look like???

I seem to be responding to people reactionary rather than thinking thru my dilemma of community and what it looks like. This has been a week of soul searching about the meaning of my life regarding community.

The buzz word about "community" and the need for it around our lives really has had me looking at what it looks like in relation to who I am and what I am about. How do I do it? Where do I do it? Who should be included in it? What does it look like? Why do I do it? These are all questions I have thought about this week.

How do I do community? One place I hopefully do community is in our home as a regular practice. Our home is open and our desire is that anyone who enters our home would feel like they belong. One of the biggest affirmations I can get is that people would feel comfortable enough to just drop by or when they are coming over feel comfortable enough to realize they too can invite others to our home. We have wanted to create a home where ALL feel like they belong. I try to drop whatever I am doing when people drop by. There is a difference between entertaining and making one feel welcome! It's the ability to make people feel special and look after their needs.... Oh how I hope I make people feel like this!

We try to build community in our home. In the churches we attend. In the stands of our children's sporting events. In the school that our children attend and I work with in. In organizations that I am part of. In the current relationships I have and the new ones I make.

Hopefully I build community where ever I am and whatever I do. Hopefully I am in a place to always make room for people and be willing to set aside task for people, unless the task is about and looking after the needs of people.

I guess I should try and include everyone I encounter. Do I always do this? I don't think I always do, I'm sure there are people who would feel excluded. That the Lord would open my eyes that I might see people around me as Jesus saw Zacchaeus.

What does community look like? I guess this is what I'm trying to figure out? I think is should include young and old, people of different ethnic origins, people of different economic status. I think it could include people who respect those with different ideas and ideals, different religious persuasions. Maybe community is a daily walk, where ever we go, what ever we do!

I wonder if the need for community is only for extroverts and not introvert? I wonder if being lonely is the norm or the exception? I wonder if I really have any idea what community looks like? Paul appears to have built some community without living in the locations where he had relationships. So is community about authentic relationships or can community be sustained without them?

Authentic Relationships

This week I happen to catch a portion of an interview with Joyce Meyers and the gentleman who heads up Teen Mania. Joyce said something so interesting.... That went something like this.... If we catch teens and help them identify root issues in their lives, they will be functional adults. That really struck a cord of truth with me as I have been a disfunctional adult because of situations that had happened to me as a youth.

It wasn't until I reached 40 that I began to deal with some of the issues. It has sometimes been a hard journey to change my thought process and actions but has brought with it much freedom and release in my life. As a lay councilor and during some of the counseling classes I had taken it became evident there were real issues that I needed to deal with. With my healing came a huge change in my relationship with my husband and children. We are on a journey to be peace makers not peace keepers. With the adjustment to become peace makers we have had to become open and honest.

Willow Creek has a bible study called "Authenticity" the following is a portion of it.

God has designed us to yearn for open, honest, authentic relationships or communal relationship. We choose peacekeeping over truth-telling and we end up in the "pseudo" type. Pseudo communal relationships are in marriages, family relationships or friendships and are strictly at a surface level. No one says anything unsafe. In these relationships people never discuss misunderstandings, reveal hurt feelings, air frustrations, or ask difficult questions. The underlying rule in pseudo community is don't rock the boat. Don't disturb the peace. This kind of relationship is counterfeit peace. Misunderstandings arise, but are never resolved. Feelings beg to be shared, but are kept hidden. Offences occur, but nobody talks about them. Doubts about integrity creep in, but are never dealt with. In time such relationships deteriorate. The secret agendas of hurt and misunderstanding lead to detachment, distrust and bitterness. Feelings of love begin to die. This is the story of way to many marriages, family relationships, and friendships.

The only way out of the way out of a pseudo communal relationship is to enter "the tunnel of chaos" where hurts are unburied, hostilities revealed, and tough questions asked. No matter how unpleasant the tunnel of chaos is, there's no other route to authentic relationships. In our efforts to build authentic relationships, sometimes we try to take shortcuts and try other methods of communication but they never work. The counterfeit peace of inauthentic relationships always deteriorates into relational death.....

Even though I don't always get it right, I am in a place where I do share my feelings and sometimes relationships never get past pseudo communual.

Our Heavenly Father is a God of reconciliation and that was the sole reason of Jesus; to reconcile our relationship to God as our Father. In knowing God's heart, means that His desire for us is that we would have reconciled relationships while here on earth. That's why we desire to have good relationships and why we are grieved when we don't, we were created for real authentic relationships.

I used to grieve over the relationships in my life that were pseudo communal but have since come to realize that I can't change the way people think, nor can I impose my desires on them. That has been very hard pill to swallow, but has caused me to be able to release unrealistic expectations on people. I cannot change the way people think or act I can only change the way I react. Sometimes my reaction is healthy and positive and sometimes I'm totally out to lunch. My heart desire for my family and friends is that we would have authentic relationships, but sometimes I need to concede that it is what it is and that's the just the way it is. Understanding we're all on the same journey of life and I have learned to be somewhat content with that.

In the past number of years I have been given the opportunity to speak on relationships, sexual abuse and healing. One of the greatest privileges I have is walking with teenagers, young adults and women to have relationships with them where we are open and honest and vulnerable. I so desire to be an encouragement so they can begin the healing process and not end up as a dysfunctional adult as I have been.

My desire is to see friends and family walk in a place of Jesus' healing. How cool to be able to be peace makers and not peace keepers and live with authentic relationships!